I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
