can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I can't put those talents on a resume
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
