Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
