You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
