he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
