I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
