woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
