:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
