her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
