this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
