So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
