He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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