I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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