Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
