He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
