Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
