my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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