every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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