Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
