I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
