D3 body, D1 cock
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
That's how pantless uber rides happen
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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