One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
