Quick, to the slutcave!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
