i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
