you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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