Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i think i have two assholes
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
