Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
there is glitter all over my balls
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
