I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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