she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
