K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
