three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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