They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my shit smells like andre
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
