He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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