Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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