whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i think my cat just said my name.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
