dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
