I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
