I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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