Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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