Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
