It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
