i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
