just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
