It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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