The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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