If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
