Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
