shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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