What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
