I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
