She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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