apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
