evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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