fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
