You just made me feel so damn special
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
