dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
