she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
