I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
