I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
