I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
