hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think people are normalizing furries
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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