Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
