I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
