dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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