Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you didnt know i had herpes?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
