I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
