he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
