Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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