scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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