I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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