it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
