Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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