a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
