very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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