So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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